The Dreamer's memories|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
[ << Previous 20 ]
[ << Previous 20 ]
|Sunday, March 18th, 2007|
So here I am taking courses in Drafting, blah blah blah, we have a substitute teacher and whatnot.. And.. She starts telling me I'm a natural at it, and that.. you know... I seem to be very good at it, and I should get a career in it. I start feeling very very warm, posative, and generally "YAY! 8D" about it.. So she.. ummm..... recommended I get a job working where she works. X3
It's a job revolving arround autoCAD, somehow. I know ZIP. Nothing. What exactly I Can bring to this job is a complete mystery to me, she knows this, and STILL wants me to come work there. I got a tour, a short interview, blah it looks very promising. I'm excited to have a chance at a real career.. Stuff. >:3
Yeah, it's been a while since you've all seen me on.. I tend to spend more time on myspace, if anything.. (But not ALOT of time there..)
Drop me a line at www.myspace.com/muthsera if you wanna say hi. ^^ Current Mood: ^_^
|Monday, September 11th, 2006|
|Friday, June 16th, 2006|
|Oh Daniel, Where have you been? :/
Lately, I've felt muchly like a wandering soul.
For those who do not know, and those who have an interest, I have a myspace account that can be accessed at "www.myspace.com/muthsera".
|Saturday, January 14th, 2006|
I woke up at 7:10 and made french toast. Current Mood: accomplished
|Friday, January 13th, 2006|
Having finally gotten in touch with Alynna, I apoligized for my comment on Vale_chan's journal, which I also deleted.
I had pretty much made the consious decision that it was the last time I would try to say anything to pilfer at all. I hadn't said anything to her in about 6 months to a year. I hadn't tried to convince her of anything, I hadn't said zip, figuring I might be able to let her cool off.. As she believes I sent her death threats, (Which I diddn't.) and no matter how many times I say "No I diddn't.", she was convinced I did.
She sent back a drunken reply all in caps calling me something, it was a cross between fucktard.. psycho.. blah blah blah.. Barely coherant, but the message was clear: "Don't bother messaging me. I'm not the person that was your friend anymore." So.. Yeah.
As for Alynna, I still feel bad about making the comment at all. I would love to have a "Well this is because of this and this so I reaally have a good reason, k?" responce, but I don't. <_< The whole concept behind what I did was retarded, and trying for something that was clearly... Gone. Current Mood: aggravated
|Sunday, January 8th, 2006|
J is a woman that goes(went) to the monthly witch's meetup..
Now the last time I saw her before tonight was many months ago..
She reached out and grabbed my hand and pulled me down into a seat next to her, she had my attention, she was engaging, she was nice, energetic, and very pleasant to talk with.
Much older than I am, few people -get my attention-. She had it.
She had disappeared off the face of the earth, not showing up for meetup groups anymore past that point, Somebody told me she wasn't doing very well.. And implied she was very sick, her life was a mess. I was worried.. And consiously missed her being there. I asked somebody about her the last time we were at the goddess cup..
When she showed up tonight I barely recognized her, and when she spoke to me, I had a "Is this her......?" momment. So I asked her.. "Do I know you?" when she appeared to know me, and hugged me. I wanted to confirm.. I asked her name, I hadn't heard the name in a while so even then I was like.. "that SOUNDS like her name." But I couldn't remember it.
I quickly studied her. Yup, it was her.
Whereas she had sought out my attention before, she was rather passive now, looked like she had aged slightly, and when I asked about the hard times mentioned, she acted confused. I would've had to have competed in order to have her attention at all.
So.. I am taking a long, step back, before I step on something that will result in a loss of a nuetral/posative situation. I will not seek this situation.. and I will most definately not try to get her attention as she first tried to get mine.... Current Mood: thoughtful
|Friday, December 16th, 2005|
You scored 73 masculinity and 80 femininity!
|You scored high on both masculinity and femininity. You have a strong personality exhibiting characteristics of both traditional sex roles. |
Current Mood: I am interface, hahahaha!
|My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:|
||You scored higher than 80% on masculinity|
||You scored higher than 90% on femininity|
|Saturday, November 26th, 2005|
I realized today that I have finally forgiven Julia.
All the silliness is gone, all the being stuck in a rut.
*hugs* Current Mood: energetic
|Sunday, November 20th, 2005|
I had another dream, this one more strange than meaningful. :p Just weird all over.
Now.. It's kind of fading.. But let me start to get it out there.
I dreampt I was an actress working on a set plagued by guys coming arround every so often with guns, trying to just walk in and shoot the people inside up. c.c So a shotgun was loaded on the set next to a dresser. (Don't ask me why about alot of this dream.) People on the set would take turns with the shotgun, taking care of the guy of the night who would show up and try and shoot stuff up. (Totally try to disreguard why people might do this.) Some people were better at it then others.. There was some strange rule in which the defender for the night had to smoke a cigerette. Don't ask me why.
It was interesting, because at one point I came out of the scene, frustrated with the performance of one of the people, took the shotgun, popped out the door and shot the guy.. went back to work. People pretty much decided I was the new defender from now on. so for quite a many nights I did so. A cigerette was set on the dresser with a lighter next to it. I grabbed them both up and lit the cigerette one night.
"Hey! Where did the defender's cigerette go?" a man shouted.. I gave a guilty grin halfway accross the room, ducking slightly in the small crowd of people on the set. A new guy came over to him and said.. "Defender's cigerette? what the hell are you talking about?" Then guy looked frustrated and turned to him. "Look. There is supposed to be a lighter and a cig here, okay? It's for the best damn defender we ever had, for the ghost that keeps on protecting us." I choked. What the hell? "I'm right here!" I said to him.. "Oh, I see.. I'm sorry. I don't know what happened to the cigerette." "What the hell are you talking about, ghost? I'm right here!" .... Nobody was saying anything.. I.. I looked down at my stomach because I felt a sudden pain there.. My hand went to it.. and it came back bloody. I dropped my cigerette and realized I was bleeding from my chest and stomach.
"I am dead.... ?!" .. It was so much easier to remember what happened then. I was shot one night. I diddn't really feel like it should disrupt my habbits, I guess. I should probably go home early tonight.
A man stopped and looked at a burnt cigerette in the middle of the floor.. blood was on it's base. the man commenting about it being missing walked over when he noticed him staring at it, and he started staring too. Soon more people were staring at it. The defender's cig had been smoked and dropped about where she had dropped.. blood on it. Hmm. Better put another one out. Current Mood: weird
|Monday, October 31st, 2005|
I lost my job since last post and a ways before this one.
I became depressed imediately afterward.. And it still hasn't lifted.
Jessica's words continue to poke at me.. That I should look into a schoolarship and go to college. I would like to do so..
So after sitting on the computer for far too long.. I've been sitting in the dark wondering exactly what I'm meant to do.. Really giving it some thought. I've had this mental conversation with myself a billion times before and it's never gotten any easier. It bounces arround from what I might enjoy, what would be a good financial investment.. what I would be good at.. All sorts of questions pop up.
Having the conversation with myself would kind of read like this..
What am I good at and interested in?
Building things.. Art.. Music.. constructive activities in general.
I am so so at coding.. although I must say this has the same flaws that being a professional artist or musician has.. It's probably one of my least favorite prospects as well.. due to the long hours I would spend /alone/.. Then I imagine some smug SOB telling me all jobs are difficult or some such..
I did at one point define my hell as being a lonely place.
So yeah. College.. Computers.. Mathmatics.. engineering? Thats... kind of where I want to take things.. and I want to take them soon. I'm up for some suggestions tho.
P.S. Halloween is today.. er.. later today. I might post some pictures.
On another note.. Garry's mod 9 came out. Most of the new cames are built arround construction and team-work. www.garry.tv
|Wednesday, October 12th, 2005|
|Very bad night.
While at my job a very bad thing happened. Two 12 year old girls came up to my Wireless connection center and started to take the phones, pull them back and let them go so they risked breaking.. blah blah.. mischievious.. so I mentioned they reminded me of my sister. I went to the service desk.. they ended up nearby and I jested they had been fallowing me. They went to a manager and said the fallowing: "He was hitting on us, he was calling us cute and that we reminded him of his sister." Naturally, the managers of the place are like: "Omg wtf" and I'm like "Omg wtf" So they said if the girls go home and tell their parents this could be taken the wrong way and could go to the corporate walmart office and I would be in deep shit.. and.. o.O God dammit, this really sucks. I am never talking to children ever again, because our society and legal system are so stupid it makes me want to crush it all under a rubber mallet. This kind of paranoia was meant to stop pedophiles from raping children, not making me hyperventilate and go white faced during a discussion with 3 of the managers.
This really sucks. Current Mood: worried
|Saturday, October 8th, 2005|
Tonight I got in touch with Jennifer. I swear I had tried to plan out what I was going to say, consiously and what wording I would use.. it helped, really.. but I forgot most of it when I actually heard her on the other side of the line for the first time in.. what.. 3 years? I walked arround the corner and my heart was racing as if to say.. "Hey, I'm excited! :)" Few things get my heart racing. Sprinting arround a parking lot barely gets my heart racing and I was feeling it in my neck.
So anyways.. If getting closure and moving on was what I humbly hoped for when the discussion started, I got the opposite.. Whereas I imagine Garth brook's comment about god's gift being unable to recall the past with an old girlfriend.. I got the opposite effect.. as the sound of her voice was beautiful and familar.. and as we talked about the past, it was a massage on my heart I felt up into my neck.. The integratron.. all of it came up in conversation and I remembered all the things that made me fall in love with her.
My emotions aren't numb.. I'm kinda.. pleasant.. I describe my emotion as good.. But my chest feels relaxed.. Kinda.. confused.. hopeful.. something? It's really weird, like a gentle clash of doubt in the face of overwhelming happiness at having heard from her.
Thanks Tazima. Current Mood: Brilliant
|Wednesday, September 28th, 2005|
Went to the pagan meetup last night. (The day I look forward to every month.)
They demanded I take down my hair, so they did.. Then proceeded to pet it for several hours on end. I was happy. Jessica was there, M was there, Zebrena was there, and a few girls I am ashamed I don't know the names of by heart yet. :p
It was a great night filled with happiness and reletive peace.. If this had been a fur con... Well, you furs out there already can predict, I'm sure. xD I'm really happy that Jessica is doing as well as she is with her college studies.. Everyone continues to think we are a pair.. She is a good friend of mine.. I kind of want to be her's. :p She appears to like me alot too. Things are just busy.
Today I got up and went over to the red cross as requested and I did some sheperding work: They were really busy yesterday after the news announced that the Armory was closing with the people coming in really lessening.. This naturally resulted in a flood of people who had been procrastinating (Spelling? My goodness.) suddenly flooding in, they had a skeleton crew.. and overbooked us for today.. Then there was hardly anyone.. so I came home early, not because I am lazy, but because there really wasn't much for me to do at all.
I still feel happy that I went down there and helped the little bit that I could. I also wish there had been something for me to do. Current Mood: productive
|Tuesday, September 27th, 2005|
This morning I woke up pretty happy. In 54 minutes I'll get ready for work.
I am playing DDR when I wake up and before I go to sleep for an extra workout.. I am feeling healthier in general. I am worried about the fact that I am listening to Dueling Banjos tho. Current Mood: giddy
|Sunday, September 25th, 2005|
I'm getting rolling on Maus Augen again. I need 1 writer. Stand up for me please and introduce yourself.. We're doing a round robin story telling. There is me, And Joshua, and we need 1 writer to play 1 first person role for us. Nothing serious, but we would love to have you. Really.
|Tuesday, September 20th, 2005|
My brother did something right and got me a DDR(TM) game and controller for the PlayStation(TM). I overdid it on my first try.. But I am happy overall with it. Current Mood: energetic
|Sunday, September 18th, 2005|
Thats right, I went square dancing tonight. All night I felt Irritable because my neck was hurting while I was trying to pull it all off. It just seemed to take the energy right out of me.
Work tomarrow. Sleep now. Current Mood: tired
|Wednesday, September 14th, 2005|
I now work at Wal-Mart in the Wireless section selling phones at 7.40 an hour. Maybe I can sign a contract with suppliers in japan and have some better phones shipped over.
Yeeesss..... c.c Current Mood: Sly
|Sunday, September 11th, 2005|
|Whatever! I'm a sheperd! I'm.. er.. not? :p
Yesterday I had an interesting time down at the A.R.C. Armory(As it's called. :p ). Basicly, all the tons of people we took off the planes and happified were now going through processing, getting homes, food, dance lessons, ect.
I spent half the day attempting to do a job I wasn't trained to do out of a request born in desperation. (not enough sheperds.. somebody who takes the people arround to various sections of the place.. determining needs and filling out paperwork.)
The A.R.C. is asking for a huge ammount of volenteers to join and go national and go out into the worst hit portions: This has recently become less of an option it was before.. (job.. c.c; ) Hopefully their request for 40,000 people was nation wide and not just for here in SC.. Current Mood: creative